WHOSE LOVE IS THIS

If I persist until I fully comprehend I may be contemplating “love” for a very long time. A stanza from Led Zeppelin’s song “Thank You” says ,
If the sun refused to shineI would still be loving youWhen mountains crumble to the seaThere will still be you and me
not only is this a great way for the author to express the depth of feeling and commitment that is in his heart, (if you put the word Christ in place of the word you in the song it is transformed) but it is also a great estimate of how long it may take me to come to terms with the foundational principal of LOVE. I am convinced that the sun will stop shining and the mountains erode to nubs before my small mind has grasped this somewhat larger concept. Still I will press on until…………well, I will press on.

I was thinking about how my wife knows I love her this morning. Maybe a more correct statement would be. I was considering whether I am doing an effective job of letting Maria know I love her or not. That I do love her is a known, I believe. I mean she knows that I value her and place high esteem on her. She is fully conscious of my commitment to her. Understands how that little twinkle she gets in her eye takes my breath away. She is aware of the way her sense of humor reduces me to near tears. But does she know that her tears create in me a sense of hopelessness? Does she understand that I would give up everything to be with her? Have I truly adequately expressed to her the great admiration I have for her? Does she realize that,
If the sun refused to shineI would still be loving MARIAWhen mountains crumble to the seaThere will still be MARIA and me
I wonder?

This contemplation led me to a silly little thought, but it is one that I found useful. Let’s suppose that I wanted to let Maria know just how much I love her through a gift. Let’s say through a ring. Let’s further imagine that, and this won’t be much of a stretch here, that I can’t (I will underline the word can’t here since it’s a relative term) afford to get her the ring that I may want to. Or more importantly that I know will please her and copiously fulfill my intention of conveying the depth of my love for her. So I choose to settle for a nice ring that I can afford. I wonder in this scenario if she would receive the ring considering and weighing out all of the variables. And then come up with a well thought out and logical acceptance of it as being an adequate summation of my love for her given all these variables. Or would she look at and be immediately overwhelmed with disappointment. Would the rings lack of bling, in her eyes since they are the important ones, fail to transmit my intent?

Now I know Maria somewhat, I want to know her more, and I can say that the disappointment would far outweigh the flawed gifts ability to channel my love to her. In fact it would do more harm than good because she would be left with the idea that the measure of my love was this crappy little ring. Further it would raise a question in her. If my love could be represented by such an inferior piece of jewelry then what must that say about her? Maybe she is really just not worth much she may be tempted to think. The gift could become a door. The door could open on a path. The path may lead to a dark place, in which love inhabits only the forgotten corners. The truth is that while the Devil may laugh and enjoy the trip it won’t be him driving at all. It will be me and the responsibility for the short trip to darksville will be mine.

It comes down to this. When I want to show love to someone, when I want to speak love to them, I have to speak in a way that they can understand me. I have to use a language that they know. I can’t just speak love in my own language and expect them to translate it. If I were hungry in a foreign land you can bet I would figure out how to ask for something to eat in a language that made my need understood. The world around us is hungry for love and we take on a servant’s role by learning to adapt our way of speaking love to the dialect of those ravenous to receive sustenance.

A much wiser and more established man than I am can do a far better job of teaching this than I can. For that I recommend Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages” (http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/).


So for me the question becomes, Whose Love is This? Is it my love to go around spewing all over the place haphazardly, as I see fit? Maybe some will be received. I can even justify this approach by saying things like. “Love covers a multitude of sins, (1 Peter 4:8 Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.) so if I am motivated by love that trumps any harm that may come from it.”

Maybe love belongs to the needy. This isn’t really workable either when you think about it. If we go back to the scenario of the ring, to her credit Maria has great taste. Any ring that would sufficiently satisfy the requirement of demonstrating my love for her would need to be on the magnitude of the Hope diamond. It would not be great for our budget if I went out and purchased that to give to her. It might take me one or two days to pay that off, provided no need for re-planning came up. Once a significant enough amount of time went by with me telling my lovely bride things like. No we can’t go out to eat or no you can’t get that new dress, and no I didn’t pay the electric bill. That ring is going to start looking less and less attractive on her finger. Pretty soon she is going to quit wearing it and then maybe even offer to sell it. What started out as looking like a great way to say I love you is now saying more and more, my husband is a blithering idiot. I doubt she can silence it even when she lies down to go to sleep. Once again short trip to perpetual midnight and once again my fault.

I don’t think this love belongs to the needy either. I mean try giving your kids everything they want that will show them that you love them and see how that works out for you. Don’t call me with your complaints if you are actually wise enough to try this.

So Whose Love is This?

May the Lord your God who is infinitely wise and thankfully all sufficient, meet you where you are and teach you to speak love in the language of the needy. May he grant you wisdom and forbearance to speak love appropriately in good timing. I pray we learn from Christ, the true expression of His great love. I pray that a world that needs love would find it in you and me.